![The Biggest Wall Was Inside Me — Public Image and the “Need to Be Recognized” [Cross-Cultural Management #6]](https://megumirai.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/ccm_06_eyecatch.jpg)
In the previous article (Cross-Cultural Management #5), I wrote about why multicultural teams break down.
This time, I’ll share the most personal story of this series. Of all six sessions, this topic hit me hardest: public image, and facing what’s really going on inside.
What is public image?
Public image is your ideal self-image — how you want others to see you.
“I want to be seen as competent.” “I want to be perceived as intelligent.” “I want to be someone people rely on.” We all carry these images. And we constantly manage them — through how we dress, speak in meetings, write emails. In social psychology, this is called “impression management.” It’s a natural part of being social creatures.
So far, no problem. The trouble starts when your public image is actually just the mirror image of what you’re desperately trying to avoid — and you don’t realize it.
Two people trapped by the flip side of stereotypes
The case study featured two individuals.
One was an Asian-American woman. She intensely rejected the stereotype that “Asians are shy and passive” and became fixated on being perceived as “assertive, intellectual, and eloquent.” As a result, when mentoring a junior colleague, she pushed the same battle onto her mentee instead of actually listening to what the mentee needed. The mentee didn’t need “strategies for fighting stereotypes” — she needed practical advice on integrating and performing. But the mentor, trapped in her own public image, couldn’t see the mentee’s real needs.
The other was an African-American man. Fearing the stereotype of “excitable and dogmatic,” he aimed to be seen as “intellectual, thoughtful, and logical.” But by overthinking how others perceived him, he began avoiding self-expression altogether and lost opportunities to exercise leadership.
Both had built public images to negate stereotypes — and became prisoners of those images, losing sight of their actual purpose: delivering results at work.
The course explained this through the concept of “stereotype threat”: the fear that “if I fail, I’ll reinforce the negative stereotype about my group.” This fear undermines performance, leading to the very failure the person feared — a vicious cycle.
Listening to this, I recognized the same mechanism in my own career. As a woman in IT infrastructure — a minority — I had pushed myself to be perfect, been irrationally afraid of failure, and at times avoided taking risks. The negation of stereotypes had become my public image, and I was imprisoned by it. Exactly the same structure as the two people in the case.
The shock of discovering my “need to be recognized”
While listening to this discussion, I was thinking about myself.
“Is the person you want to be actually just the flip side of who you’re afraid of being?”
This question genuinely shook me.
Looking at my career: 28 years in IT, TOEIC 900, and an MBA. Impressive-looking credentials. But through this course, I realized something uncomfortable: maybe I’d been driven all along by the need to be recognized.
“I want to be seen as capable” — flip side: “I’m afraid of being seen as incompetent.”
“I want to be relied on” — flip side: “I’m afraid of becoming unnecessary.”
Was pure intellectual curiosity or a sense of mission the only fuel for my career? Honestly, I can’t say yes. “Please recognize me.” “Let me prove I belong here.” Those feelings were undeniably present.
Trapped by my public image — or perhaps, wanting to be trapped. Being continuously recognized may have been my way of validating my own existence.
This realization lingered long after class. That evening, I traced each turning point in my career. Scoring TOEIC 900. Deciding to enter an MBA program. Taking on new certifications. Was the driver “I want to grow” or “I want to be recognized”? Honestly, it was both. But the course was the first time I could distinguish between the two.
Where public image meets cross-cultural management
So how does this connect to cross-cultural management?
Simply, and painfully: When you’re unconscious of your “need to be recognized,” other people’s actions look like personal attacks on you. This is the biggest obstacle to truly understanding another culture. The mindfulness from Day 1 fails precisely at this moment.
The other person is just acting from their own cultural values. But your complex reacts, and you go into defense mode. A new team member questions an established process — maybe it’s just an improvement suggestion, but you hear “everything you’ve done is wrong.” A junior says “there’s a more efficient way” — and you feel “they think I’m outdated.”
The cultural wall isn’t in the other person. It’s inside you. This message runs through the entire series.
Reframing what you want to avoid
One practical approach from the course: reframe the image you’re avoiding in positive terms.
“I’m afraid of being seen as incompetent” → “I want to keep growing.”
“I’m afraid of becoming unnecessary” → “I want to support others’ growth.”
A public image rooted in negation is permanently tethered to fear and defensiveness. But the same ideal, redefined in affirmative terms, can be powered by growth instead of fear.
After class, I tried this exercise myself. I wrote down my public images: “I want to be respected as a 28-year IT veteran.” “I want to be seen as someone with the ambition to earn an MBA.” The flip sides: “I’m afraid of being seen as outdated.” “I’m afraid that without constant learning, I’ll lose my value.” Facing those flip sides was painful. But reframing them — “I want to enjoy the ever-changing tech landscape” and “I want to apply new knowledge to create organizational value” — shifted the foundation from fear to growth. Same actions, but a different engine. That changes how you face each day. Try it yourself: write down how you want to be seen. Then look for what’s hiding behind it. When you find it, something may shift.
This process is remarkably effective for rebuilding confidence and pride. You don’t eliminate the complex — you change your relationship with it. That is the essence of updating your public image.
It all starts with noticing the wall inside
At this point, the course took a profound turn.
Day 1 taught me to “read other people’s emotions.” Days 2-3 taught behavioral adjustment skills. But the second half of Day 3 delivered the hardest lesson: before any of that, you need to face yourself.
What triggers you? Why do you get defensive? Only after acknowledging the “need to be recognized” that lies beneath can you begin to understand other cultures with genuine openness.
The instructor noted: “Self-concept is partly a subjective construction — a belief. Once formed, we unconsciously work to maintain it, and left unchecked, it only gets stronger.” In other words, public image calcifies if neglected. Periodically asking “Is this really who I want to be?” matters — not just in cross-cultural contexts, but across an entire career.
After 28 years of proving my worth through technology and results, “facing my emotions” and “looking inward” were my least comfortable territories. But precisely because of that, this lesson cut the deepest. Skills can be learned. Techniques can be sharpened. But recognizing where your emotions come from and changing how you relate to them — that was the hardest, and most important, learning of all.
This was the deepest insight I gained from studying cross-cultural management.
Recommended reading
To understand the psychology of stereotype threat
Claude M. Steele, Whistling Vivaldi: How Stereotypes Affect Us and What We Can Do (W. W. Norton)
The definitive book on stereotype threat by the psychologist who coined the term. Through vivid research examples, Steele shows how the fear of confirming negative stereotypes undermines performance — and what can be done about it. A powerful companion to the public image discussion in this article.
→ Next: [Cross-Cultural Management #7] shifts to the organizational level — what happens when “our company” means fundamentally different things in an M&A integration.
